- A gentle and quiet spirit [1 Peter 3:4]
The bible states that beauty should not come from the outside, but from the inside. Your inner-self is an unfading beauty; your spirit will be quiet and gentle. To me, this means to have calmness; decrease your worry, fear and bad thoughts about things. Aim for inner calmness. When others begin an uproar, when the kids become unruly, when your boss it’s treating you fairly, respond in calmness. Breathe. Reflect and then respond rather than react.
- A keeper of the home [Titus 2:5]
The bible states that a woman must tend to her home and refrain from obsessively running the streets. If you spend more time in the streets, the less time you have to keep the home comfortable and the children kept tight. I find this to also include decreasing distractions. I often find myself being so engulfed in a television show, or on my phone, I tend to put things off like washing the dishes, or doing the children hair, or cooking a delicious dinner. With these new distractions, we must stay focused and set an example for the younger generation.
- A teacher of good things [Titus 2:3]
The bible indicates that older women should train the younger women not to be reverent in behavior. This refers to [1 Peter 3:4] with practicing clear thinking, slow to response to refrain from anger (or being impulsive) and not prone to drunkenness. I find it funny that when I am drunk, I often become easily angered and say whatever out of my mouth. When I watch movies with drunk women, or when I am around drunk women, they do the same thing. Their grasp of reality fades and impulsivity takes control. We, older women must teach good things. We must not be slanderers, malicious gossipers or addicted to alcohol.
- Submissive to her own husband [Eph 5:22]
Now this is a big one. This generation despise the word “submissive”. I did too, until I was forced to dig into the meaning. The word that is used in this scripture is to “submit” to your “own” husband and not to all men. The word submission or submit reflects “unconditional treatment” based on love for him and for God. What I took for this is that I will love and honor my husband whether or not I feel as though he deserves it. In addition, when you read more into this scripture, it states that men are equally obligated; (husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church).
- Modest in her appearance [1 Tim 2:9]
As a woman, we love to look nice; however, we shouldn’t draw attention by our outside appearance. We should dress modestly and wear decent and appropriate clothing. In sum, this scripture indicates that we must respect ourselves by the way we dress and how our hair looks. A woman can have wealth and riches, but needs to be modest and not boast. This reminds me of the days when I went to church faithfully. I would see the mothers, deaconess, first lady dress in extravagant attire and FLAUNT it, but never tithed how they were suppose to. They will sit in the front of the church and find any reason to get up and walk and FLAUNT their new outfit for a special event.
- Clothed in good works [1 Tim 2:10]
In addition to (#5), instead of focusing on drawing attention on our outside appearance, we should put that energy into doing good things. Good things are not specified in this scripture; however, after reading commentary, it states instead of spending money on find clothes, we should lay it out in works of piety and charity.
- A helper to her husband [Genesis 2:18]
As a wife, you should be a helper to your husband. God declares that He will make a helper that is fit, or suitable, or corresponds to the man. The key word in this scripture is “helper”. We should “help” our husbands in every way shape or form. In marriage, husband and wife must provide companionship.
March 3, 2019
- Left Baltimore, MD at 8am and arrived to New York at 11am
- Gas – Full Tank $35.00 (640 miles)
- Toll – <$50.00
- Brunch – $50.00 – Pisticci NYC
- Snack – $10.00 – Dunkin Donuts
- Dinner – $30.00 – Deepwater Diner
- Shopping – Kings Plaza Shopping Center
- Sight-see (Manhattan, Bronx/Brooklyn, Jamaica Avenue, Central Park)
“Some people aren’t loyal to you…they are loyal to their need of you…once their needs change, so does their loyalty.”
- “Wow, you’ve done so well in life with only having a G.E.D.”
- Saying, “I’m coming”, but never show up #TEMPORARYcompliance
- ..or they show up, but extremely late #INTENTIONALinefficiency
- Saying “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t call me” #SELFdepreciation
- They’re constantly talking about other people. Don’t you think they’re talking about you behind your back?
- They will use you until you cannot be used anymore. Got a new car? I guarantee they will be asking you for a ride everywhere, but when you need help; they’re gone.
- They will steal from you….your time, your money; they will take advantage of your generosity.
- You may need them, but every time you call them, they’re not there or give you some bull-crap excuse on why they can’t be there.
What should you do once you’ve identified a so-called friend?
Talk to them. Let them know that you know. Encourage them to change the behavior and how it impacts you. Ignore them and move on. Why would you want that type of toxic person around you? The only way you can help them is if you show them that you don’t need that type of toxicity in your life. You’re better than that.
I once made a joke about how living in Philadelphia caused me to have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). More specifically, social isolation, emotional detachment, unwanted thoughts, hyper-vigilance and mistrust. I didn’t live in the most cleanest neighborhood in Old Kensington, but I lived in the cleanest house on the block. That’s what it feels like for an innocent child; the environment is so filthy but their heart is pure…until you start tracking mud inside, or leaving the screen door open so that flies enter.
What happened with our youth? Globalization. The music has changed. It once spoke about knowledge of self, love and happiness, but now? Artists are paid to brainwash our youth by talking about the “fast life” – money, sex, drugs, hate/crime. Parents are not present; they’re out working and paying bills to make ends meet and when they get home, they’re “too tired” to engage with their children. What about the ones that are home, the young parents whose priorities are jacked up…they’re too busy on social media fronting like they have a great life, while their child is out running the streets…and as soon as they get in trouble, they’re on social media posting statuses like, “Free my son!” or “My daughter is missing!”. So, what is happening with our youth?
Possible Answers: Despair. High expectations with no guidance. Lack of gratitude. Lack of self-love.
As a former at-risk youth, I know how it feels to be caught in the filthy streets of North Philadelphia. I know first hand about rape, teen pregnancy, dropping out of school, truancy, and being exposed by the worst conditions while living under God-fearing Grandparents who raised me up in church. Did I find out what I know because I was told about it? No. I experienced it. My Grandparents never spoke to me about these things and it made me angry. As I look back, I see it as their way to attempt to keep me pure. It didn’t work. The fact that my distant-parents were a part of the crack epidemic in the 1980’s didn’t make my upbringing any easier.
Pulling out the blame game will not help this issue that is increasing. Our youth that are at risk, may know they are at-risk, but they need help. You only do what you see and if you know it’s wrong, who will tell you it’s wrong and show you the right way?
We cannot build a future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future. (Franklin D. Roosevelt)
- Quantity or Quality?
- A lot of Friends on social media or a few good friends in real life?
- A high paying stressful job or a fair paying job you love?
- Are we impatient? #InstantGratification
- Just because something new comes out doesn’t mean we should jump to it. Jumping job to job, lover to lover, friend to friend just to get that perfect outcome, and if we don’t get it…we jump again. BE PATIENT!
- Are we dreamers?
- Back this dream up with hard work and dedication and this dream will be a reality. Pair the good component of being impatient with being a dream and let that motivate you to achieve it.
- We tend to focus on the purpose of technology and not the purpose of life.
- Why are you rushing to do things more quicker and better?
What’s happening with our youth?
We cannot socialize properly. We choose to use Apps to communicate with each other instead of having a verbal conversation and having a heart to heart. Even when we are around each other, we are still so far away from each other.
What’s happening with our youth?
We don’t know crap about values because we live in a world made up of rules.
Self care relies on these major components: Physical, Psychological, Emotional, Spiritual, Personal and Professional.
Take a look at this wheel I found at Olga Phoenix.
Of course, we always hear that we should eat health, exercise, drink our water and what my Grandma use to tell me, “Mind Your Business!”. To be honest, when I don’t do these things, I feel like crap…and it’s often I feel like this and with my age increasing. I need to call it quits and focus on Self-Care.
The topic of the month is personal for me; therefore, I don’t expect you to do everything that I’m doing. Tweak it to your own standards and live…be true to yourself. The first thing is that we must evaluate:
- Who Are You?
- What Do You Want?
- How Do You Want To Be In Your Life?
This should be your motivation and when you get stuck or feel like giving up, go back to these three questions and push forward.
Create a Positive Environment
At work and at home, it should be positive. There are times that my work environment is so negative that I must exit and do some community work or if I can’t at the moment, I listen to music and focus on the bigger picture. There are many times where my home environment is not positive. Things like clutter and trash annoys me. Normally, I would lash out at the culprits (my husband and kids), but recently, I’ve began cleaning myself and setting standards with the goal being for them to live up to these standards (happy wife, happy mom, happy home).
Affirmations and Gratitude
This comes in many forms. I’ve recently got into the habit of body-shamming. Not others, but myself. From being morbidly obese to now just being overweight…I allowed those standards to define who I am. I use to get mad that I couldn’t wear a size four anymore…at times I still do…but yesterday I had rude awakening…who the hell cares!? It’s not like I’m dying or really unhealthy. I have to be gracious of what I have and have those thoughts and beliefs motivate me every minute. I also have to be grateful for the past experiences; I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. Even if it’s the fact that you’re still alive…be grateful.
Log Off / Create Time to Focus on “Me Time”.
Reasons to log off: Are you comparing yourself to others? Are you constantly paranoid, anxious, sad, mad when you’re going through your feeds? Are you spending too much time where you’re neglecting those who matter and the outside world?
With everything that’s going on in the world today, I have to give my mind a mental break before I have a mental breakdown.
Also, “Me Time”. I use to do it all wrong. I use to be on social media for hours just scrolling and scrolling, liking and commenting, getting into online arguments because I’m trying to prove a point…I did it ALL WRONG! I saw no growth at all. Me Time consists of doing something that focuses on the 6 components above and you may want to do it for at least one hour in your twenty-four hour day. Some examples are:
Physical – Exercise for 45 minutes a day / Have safe sex
Personal – Read A Interesting Book / Foster a New Skill
Emotional – Watch a Funny Movie / Make Amends with Someone
Spiritual – Listen to a Sermon / Meditate / Pray
Professional – Take All Vacation and Sick Days – Go Thrift Shopping for New Work Clothes (I’m sorry, but this is so hard for me, I spend hours trying to find some good cheap stuff…but it’s rewarding when I do!)
Psychological – Join a Support Group – Get some Sun
You are not obligated to publicize what you do, when you do it, how you do it. If you’re doing such, you are not honestly practicing self care. The purpose is to be a better and healthier you and be aware of who you are.
Spread the Word…
Our parents/guardians told us to wait until we get married before we move in with our significant other. Every one believed that our choice to move in with each other a few short months after we met was a bad idea. Some of our “so-called” friends didn’t understand and we had multiple people trying to break us apart while we were still in the beginning of our relationship, instead of being there to strengthen us. We ignored others and went with the flow, because after all, this is what we wanted.
What we did to have a strong relationship is not for everyone.
We strongly believe moving in with your significant other helps you view their habits; the good ones and the bad ones. It helps you see them in their natural environment. You get to analyze and decide if you actually want to marry this person. Do you notice your significant other shopping regularly and not budgeting or prioritizing for bills? Do you notice your significant other leaving the lights on at night when you like a dark room? Do you like that your significant other snore or sleep rough? Being with someone you love is not all rainbows and cotton candy like love movies portray at times. What do you do after you identify what you don’t like? Do you compromise with your significant other? Do you attempt to help them with what you believe is a problem? Do you leave it alone and ignore it ,or do you walk away? Whatever you do, if you love this person do not walk away, unless the situation is imperative to your health or well-being (i.e. doing drugs, gambling, etc.; even so after you walk away, encourage them to seek professional help: Disclaimer)
A wise old person once said, when you get in an argument in private, start getting naked. We tried this once and it was very comical. We believe that arguments shouldn’t be in our home; we should be at peace in our home. We try to make it a goal to go out to discuss certain situations that may cause an argument, because we will not argue in front of people; they are our indirect-silencers and they force us to act civil.
5 Financial Topics To Talk About Before The Bells…
- How is your current financial status? Create a visual budget.
- How do you view money and wealth?
- What are your aspirations? Career goals? Does it involve saving for retirement?
- Quality or quantity?
- How do they feel about separate and joint accounts?