How To Identify A So-Called Friend

Image result for so called friends

“Some people aren’t loyal to you…they are loyal to their need of you…once their needs change, so does their loyalty.”

Passive-Aggressive Behavior

  • “Wow, you’ve done so well in life with only having a G.E.D.”
  • Saying, “I’m coming”, but never show up  #TEMPORARYcompliance
  • ..or they show up, but extremely late #INTENTIONALinefficiency
  • Saying “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t call me” #SELFdepreciation


  • They’re constantly talking about other people. Don’t you think they’re talking about you behind your back?



  • They will use you until you cannot be used anymore. Got a new car? I guarantee they will be asking you for a ride everywhere, but when you need help; they’re gone.
  • They will steal from you….your time, your money; they will take advantage of your generosity.



  • You may need them, but every time you call them, they’re not there or give you some bull-crap excuse on why they can’t be there.



What should you do once you’ve identified a so-called friend?

Talk to them. Let them know that you know. Encourage them to change the behavior and how it impacts you. Ignore them and move on. Why would you want that type of toxic person around you? The only way you can help them is if you show them that you don’t need that type of toxicity in your life. You’re better than that.

What’s Happening with Our Youth?

I once made a joke about how living in Philadelphia caused me to have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). More specifically, social isolation, emotional detachment, unwanted thoughts, hyper-vigilance and mistrust. I didn’t live in the most cleanest neighborhood in Old Kensington, but I lived in the cleanest house on the block. That’s what it feels like for an innocent child; the environment is so filthy but their heart is pure…until you start tracking mud inside, or leaving the screen door open so that flies enter.

What happened with our youth? Globalization. The music has changed. It once spoke about knowledge of self, love and happiness, but now? Artists are paid to brainwash our youth by talking about the “fast life” – money, sex, drugs, hate/crime. Parents are not present; they’re out working and paying bills to make ends meet and when they get home, they’re “too tired” to engage with their children. What about the ones that are home, the young parents whose priorities are jacked up…they’re too busy on social media fronting like they have a great life, while their child is out running the streets…and as soon as they get in trouble, they’re on social media posting statuses like, “Free my son!” or “My daughter is missing!”. So, what is happening with our youth?

Possible Answers: Despair. High expectations with no guidance. Lack of gratitude. Lack of self-love.

As a former at-risk youth, I know how it feels to be caught in the filthy streets of North Philadelphia. I know first hand about rape, teen pregnancy, dropping out of school, truancy, and being exposed by the worst conditions while living under God-fearing Grandparents who raised me up in church. Did I find out what I know because I was told about it? No. I experienced it. My Grandparents never spoke to me about these things and it made me angry. As I look back, I see it as their way to attempt to keep me pure. It didn’t work. The fact that my distant-parents were a part of the crack epidemic in the 1980’s didn’t make my upbringing any easier.

Pulling out the blame game will not help this issue that is increasing. Our youth that are at risk, may know they are at-risk, but they need help. You only do what you see and if you know it’s wrong, who will tell you it’s wrong and show you the right way?

We cannot build a future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future. (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

What matters? 

  1. Quantity or Quality?
    • A lot of Friends on social media or a few good friends in real life?
    • A high paying stressful job or a fair paying job you love?
  2. Are we impatient? #InstantGratification
    • Just because something new comes out doesn’t mean we should jump to it. Jumping job to job, lover to lover, friend to friend just to get that perfect outcome, and if we don’t get it…we jump again. BE PATIENT!
  3. Are we dreamers?
    • Back this dream up with hard work and dedication and this dream will be a reality. Pair the good component of being impatient with being a dream and let that motivate you to achieve it.
  4. We tend to focus on the purpose of technology and not the purpose of life.
    • Why are you rushing to do things more quicker and better?

What’s happening with our youth?

We cannot socialize properly. We choose to use Apps to communicate with each other instead of having a verbal conversation and having a heart to heart. Even when we are around each other, we are still so far away from each other.

What’s happening with our youth?

We don’t know crap about values because we live in a world made up of rules.





National Self-Care Awareness Month

Self care relies on these major components: Physical, Psychological, Emotional, Spiritual, Personal and Professional. 

Take a look at this wheel I found at Olga Phoenix.

Of course, we always hear that we should eat health, exercise, drink our water and what my Grandma use to tell me, “Mind Your Business!”. To be honest, when I don’t do these things, I feel like crap…and it’s often I feel like this and with my age increasing. I need to call it quits and focus on Self-Care.

The topic of the month is personal for me; therefore, I don’t expect you to do everything that I’m doing. Tweak it to your own standards and live…be true to yourself. The first thing is that we must evaluate:

  1. Who Are You?
  2. What Do You Want?
  3. How Do You Want To Be In Your Life?

This should be your motivation and when you get stuck or feel like giving up, go back to these three questions and push forward.

Create a Positive Environment

At work and at home, it should be positive. There are times that my work environment is so negative that I must exit and do some community work or if I can’t at the moment, I listen to music and focus on the bigger picture. There are many times where my home environment is not positive. Things like clutter and trash annoys me. Normally, I would lash out at the culprits (my husband and kids), but recently, I’ve began cleaning myself and setting standards with the goal being for them to live up to these standards (happy wife, happy mom, happy home). 

Affirmations and Gratitude

This comes in many forms. I’ve recently got into the habit of body-shamming. Not others, but myself. From being morbidly obese to now just being overweight…I allowed those standards to define who I am. I use to get mad that I couldn’t wear a size four anymore…at times I still do…but yesterday I had rude awakening…who the hell cares!? It’s not like I’m dying or really unhealthy. I have to be gracious of what I have and have those thoughts and beliefs motivate me every minute. I also have to be grateful for the past experiences; I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. Even if it’s the fact that you’re still alive…be grateful. 

Log Off / Create Time to Focus on “Me Time”.

Reasons to log off: Are you comparing yourself to others? Are you constantly paranoid, anxious, sad, mad when you’re going through your feeds? Are you spending too much time where you’re neglecting those who matter and the outside world?

With everything that’s going on in the world today, I have to give my mind a mental break before I have a mental breakdown. 

Also, “Me Time”. I use to do it all wrong. I use to be on social media for hours just scrolling and scrolling, liking and commenting, getting into online arguments because I’m trying to prove a point…I did it ALL WRONG! I saw no growth at all. Me Time consists of doing something that focuses on the 6 components above and you may want to do it for at least one hour in your twenty-four hour day. Some examples are:

Physical – Exercise for 45 minutes a day / Have safe sex

Personal – Read A Interesting Book / Foster a New Skill

Emotional – Watch a Funny Movie / Make Amends with Someone

Spiritual – Listen to a Sermon / Meditate / Pray

Professional – Take All Vacation and Sick Days – Go Thrift Shopping for New Work     Clothes (I’m sorry, but this is so hard for me, I spend hours trying to find some good cheap stuff…but it’s rewarding when I do!)

Psychological – Join a Support Group – Get some Sun


You are not obligated to publicize what you do, when you do it, how you do it. If you’re doing such, you are not honestly practicing self care. The purpose is to be a better and healthier you and be aware of who you are. 

Spread the Word…